I posted that last entry without also concluding about Byron.
He drunk dialed last night, and tonight he texted me.
9:55 PM: Hey annually
what the hell does that mean? I was so tempted to respond with a "?" but restrained myself. talked to christine about it, and of course she told me "what good would come from you responding?" he's making it hard to ignore him. and he was the one who wanted to cut off completely. i mean, he defriended me.
sunsengneem said he seems childish. and this whole time i thought he was so mature, but yes, from seeing other people's reactions like paulina and sunsengneem, yeah. he is very mature in some aspects, but in others, childish isn't exactly the right way. he's definitely not immature. but yes. childish. like a child. always needs to get his way. demanding. childish.
i'm so glad i can move onto something better. i hope he realizes the same. i treated him so poorly, any other girl after me is going to be better for him.
gotta get up early to go walk with umma tmrw morning. and it sucks to know that i'd rather hike up mission peak in the mud with appa than walk paseo padre and get coffee with her. i just can't talk to her. i'll figure this out.
like sunsengneem said, it's so strange to reach that point in life when you start to see your parents as human and criticize them. weeeeeeeeird. i hope umma gets old enough so i stop caring like susie has.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
woke up at 8, as usual. got busy uploading fb pics. talked to christine and kyle for a bit. 9:30, breakfast with halmuni. last of the gomtanggook, nice. then at 10, showered and wanted to head out by 11 so i'd be early to meet piano sunsengneem. grabbed some tissue paper and a vic's secret bag to put the white al paca wool scarf I got for her in Otavalo, and headed out by 11:05 nice timing! stupid rain, or rather, stupid windshield wipers are terrible. was on my way, looked like i'd be early (and i was driving under the speed limit!) when she called saying she'd be a bit late. it was nice to just sit in the car and listen to my ipod and see the dreary weather around remind me of winters past.
we went inside Chili's around 11:35, she was barely late. or at least i didn't notice, nor did i mind waiting. it felt good to be early. i'll have to work on that with Shmemmy. we ordered a quesadilla salad and mini buffalo chicken burgers + icedtea/strawberrylemonade. I was so busy talking that we didn't eat for a while even after the food came out. first topic to get out of the way was Byron. she was really happy for me, which means she could see my true emotions. showed her pictures from Ecuador, and talked a lot about the girls. christine and her cheating boyfriend, me being there for her which was nice to get closer again. Maddie, sweet and overpowered by somewhat spoiled pretty Jenny. Ditzy funny Kaitlin. excited to go back to school and see everyone, which is good that i can now invest more time in multiple relationships (these girls) rather than putting all my effort and energy into one (by). we talked a bit about family, i told her about halmuni. and also how my relationship with umma is rather sad. and how great it is with appa, how comfortable we can joke around.
the time went by way too fast and before i knew it she had to get going. I gave her the scarf and she seemed really touched that I would have thought to get her something, and I explained how sweet it was when she gave me a scarf when going away to college, and she MADE that, which requires a lot more time and effort than me simply buying something while in a foreign country. it was so good to catch up with her, even though i saw her less thana month ago and it was a brief meeting but still I'm really glad I got to see her.
Then i stopped by Stoneridge, I mean i was already over there might as well right? I totally forgot i meant to look for tennis shoes and ended up in Nordstrom (well, i needed a bathroom and the women's lounge there is always jeyeel kkeh kkeut hae.) just for kicks i tried on some turtlenecks and ended up really liking the strange colors, i don't have anything olive green and i don't know if i can pull the color off but it was on sale for 12$ and it was the last one left so hell, it must be cute. wandered through a few more stores, attempted to look at ipods but was saddened by prices so left at 2 PM for home. I was so paranoid about my tire popping after i drove over a (possible) pothole, couldn't tell from sight because of the rain, just thought i heard something and i was scared i was driving on a flat tire since the 3 times it happened senior year of highschool i couldn't tell. got home and tried to upload more fb pics, but ended up taking a nap.
woke up at 5 to a text from Kyle, warning he might text me after drinking. hmm.. sound familiar much? more fb, started researching netbooks. then umma was home around 6 and we went to Costco to check out the 299 acer aspire one 3 cell battery, even though i was pretty set on getting the 6 cell for 329 on amazon. so basically it was a waste of time going, but it was nice to see that umma is actually learning stuff from her wine class (well, it was pretty basic, probably anyone could have told me, but still. whatev.) chardonnay, pinot noir. grapes. yum. gotta go to napa when i'm 21. bailey's, reminded me of orgasmo at azuca's.
got home, played moonlight sonata for halmuni. then attempted reverie and clair de lune, faltered in both and she said make sure to only do it if i'm confident. jah sheen iisseumyun. i suppose i can apply that in other areas of my life as well. i was surprised she listened to all of moonlight though, it was nice. and she said she was lost in her thoughts and emotions? that was nice. music should be inspiring. nicenicnice. <3 halmuni.
then appa came home and we had dinner. yay for that chicken jjeem red but not spicy thing! and dwaenjangook, always good with just dooboo. after, got my laptop to buy the aspire netbook. contemplated for quite some time whether i wanted white or pink, and finally ended up getting the pink. only after placing the order did i find lots of images of the white and that it's the only shade that doesn't get ruined with fingerprints, damn. oh well, it'll be nice to have this girly snaz from rents. 329, exact same price as my white ipod 3 years ago. nice. and same timing, crazy! they're both supposed to be xmas presents and i get em a bit later. though the ipod was closer to march. wait, march isn't that far off. crazy.
gotta figure out summer and semester abroad. Tufts... speak of the devil. found an internship. just gotta get it. shikes.
how cool would it be if it worked out?
talked again with Christine. i told her about how i'm glad she's single and we can hang out and both of us can be indepdent and blah blah yeah you know. starting over, yay.
then sheforg too, saying it'll be better semester, just like old times frosh year.
it'll be a good time.
went to see ran at 9 pm. gave her the white scarf from the 2 girls on the bus. i'm glad she liked it, or she did a good job of seeming like she did. she even wore it out to the movies with Jon Green (and Andy Lee?/Diana) Coraline. I came back home to hang out with rents, supposedly to play gostop but appa and i just chilled on our comps while umma watched the "addicted" movie (slept, actually. surprise)
finished uploading fb pics, FINALLY! i feel accomplished, sadly enough. i must do all these personal statements and start getting teacher recs. gahhhh. must actually do stuff, this sucks.
please please let something work out. I will pray about Boston.
the wintry rainy weather makes me listen to music like Coldplay - Warning Sign and feel.. i don't know. hmmmmmmmmm.
i love being single. so free...
and the olive turtle neck is actually really soft and cute.
haha, i don't know how this train of thought is working.
time to pray.
oh, i forgot to mention. this was really saddening. on the way home from costco, tim - goh mah wut dah go came on, and umma was like, "this reminds me of the time we went to berkeley and saw him in concert! that was fun." and then "oh yeah and hollywood bowl was also a lot of fun. we've done a lot of jeh meet neun guh."
and i was so sad that I didnt feel the same way at all. I was so pissed when she came up to the concert at Cal. it was supposed to just be me ryan and ran, and she came and basically ruined it for me. i couldn't go back with them on BART or go out to eat with them. i had to drive back with umma. i was so upset. but i didn't want to ruin her time she was having. but i had so wanted to say, "why did you come?"
and the Hollywood bowl concert, i did that as a mother's day present.
I wish I could get along with her, willingly, not because i'm her daughter.
we went inside Chili's around 11:35, she was barely late. or at least i didn't notice, nor did i mind waiting. it felt good to be early. i'll have to work on that with Shmemmy. we ordered a quesadilla salad and mini buffalo chicken burgers + icedtea/strawberrylemonade. I was so busy talking that we didn't eat for a while even after the food came out. first topic to get out of the way was Byron. she was really happy for me, which means she could see my true emotions. showed her pictures from Ecuador, and talked a lot about the girls. christine and her cheating boyfriend, me being there for her which was nice to get closer again. Maddie, sweet and overpowered by somewhat spoiled pretty Jenny. Ditzy funny Kaitlin. excited to go back to school and see everyone, which is good that i can now invest more time in multiple relationships (these girls) rather than putting all my effort and energy into one (by). we talked a bit about family, i told her about halmuni. and also how my relationship with umma is rather sad. and how great it is with appa, how comfortable we can joke around.
the time went by way too fast and before i knew it she had to get going. I gave her the scarf and she seemed really touched that I would have thought to get her something, and I explained how sweet it was when she gave me a scarf when going away to college, and she MADE that, which requires a lot more time and effort than me simply buying something while in a foreign country. it was so good to catch up with her, even though i saw her less thana month ago and it was a brief meeting but still I'm really glad I got to see her.
Then i stopped by Stoneridge, I mean i was already over there might as well right? I totally forgot i meant to look for tennis shoes and ended up in Nordstrom (well, i needed a bathroom and the women's lounge there is always jeyeel kkeh kkeut hae.) just for kicks i tried on some turtlenecks and ended up really liking the strange colors, i don't have anything olive green and i don't know if i can pull the color off but it was on sale for 12$ and it was the last one left so hell, it must be cute. wandered through a few more stores, attempted to look at ipods but was saddened by prices so left at 2 PM for home. I was so paranoid about my tire popping after i drove over a (possible) pothole, couldn't tell from sight because of the rain, just thought i heard something and i was scared i was driving on a flat tire since the 3 times it happened senior year of highschool i couldn't tell. got home and tried to upload more fb pics, but ended up taking a nap.
woke up at 5 to a text from Kyle, warning he might text me after drinking. hmm.. sound familiar much? more fb, started researching netbooks. then umma was home around 6 and we went to Costco to check out the 299 acer aspire one 3 cell battery, even though i was pretty set on getting the 6 cell for 329 on amazon. so basically it was a waste of time going, but it was nice to see that umma is actually learning stuff from her wine class (well, it was pretty basic, probably anyone could have told me, but still. whatev.) chardonnay, pinot noir. grapes. yum. gotta go to napa when i'm 21. bailey's, reminded me of orgasmo at azuca's.
got home, played moonlight sonata for halmuni. then attempted reverie and clair de lune, faltered in both and she said make sure to only do it if i'm confident. jah sheen iisseumyun. i suppose i can apply that in other areas of my life as well. i was surprised she listened to all of moonlight though, it was nice. and she said she was lost in her thoughts and emotions? that was nice. music should be inspiring. nicenicnice. <3 halmuni.
then appa came home and we had dinner. yay for that chicken jjeem red but not spicy thing! and dwaenjangook, always good with just dooboo. after, got my laptop to buy the aspire netbook. contemplated for quite some time whether i wanted white or pink, and finally ended up getting the pink. only after placing the order did i find lots of images of the white and that it's the only shade that doesn't get ruined with fingerprints, damn. oh well, it'll be nice to have this girly snaz from rents. 329, exact same price as my white ipod 3 years ago. nice. and same timing, crazy! they're both supposed to be xmas presents and i get em a bit later. though the ipod was closer to march. wait, march isn't that far off. crazy.
gotta figure out summer and semester abroad. Tufts... speak of the devil. found an internship. just gotta get it. shikes.
how cool would it be if it worked out?
talked again with Christine. i told her about how i'm glad she's single and we can hang out and both of us can be indepdent and blah blah yeah you know. starting over, yay.
then sheforg too, saying it'll be better semester, just like old times frosh year.
it'll be a good time.
went to see ran at 9 pm. gave her the white scarf from the 2 girls on the bus. i'm glad she liked it, or she did a good job of seeming like she did. she even wore it out to the movies with Jon Green (and Andy Lee?/Diana) Coraline. I came back home to hang out with rents, supposedly to play gostop but appa and i just chilled on our comps while umma watched the "addicted" movie (slept, actually. surprise)
finished uploading fb pics, FINALLY! i feel accomplished, sadly enough. i must do all these personal statements and start getting teacher recs. gahhhh. must actually do stuff, this sucks.
please please let something work out. I will pray about Boston.
the wintry rainy weather makes me listen to music like Coldplay - Warning Sign and feel.. i don't know. hmmmmmmmmm.
i love being single. so free...
and the olive turtle neck is actually really soft and cute.
haha, i don't know how this train of thought is working.
time to pray.
oh, i forgot to mention. this was really saddening. on the way home from costco, tim - goh mah wut dah go came on, and umma was like, "this reminds me of the time we went to berkeley and saw him in concert! that was fun." and then "oh yeah and hollywood bowl was also a lot of fun. we've done a lot of jeh meet neun guh."
and i was so sad that I didnt feel the same way at all. I was so pissed when she came up to the concert at Cal. it was supposed to just be me ryan and ran, and she came and basically ruined it for me. i couldn't go back with them on BART or go out to eat with them. i had to drive back with umma. i was so upset. but i didn't want to ruin her time she was having. but i had so wanted to say, "why did you come?"
and the Hollywood bowl concert, i did that as a mother's day present.
I wish I could get along with her, willingly, not because i'm her daughter.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
who I am hates who I am
just spent nearly 3 hours (7:44 PM til 10:33 PM) talking to Kyle.
just missed a call from Byron (10:40 PM). the voice message was a drunken "uhhh-" cut off.
just saw my dying grandmother. and shocked by the candidness of my mother, so apathetic. no need to be concerned? I'm terrified that she'll pass away tonight.
just spent another day being annoyed as hell with my mom. what is our problem? I can't have even a 2 minute conversation before we are irritated and trying really hard not to snap at each other. I can't figure it out; it's impossible for us to get along. UGHHHHHHHHHH is how I feel.
woke up again at 7:07 AM, heard umma leaving. too lazy to get out of bed, tired from getting back so late last night from Slumdog. got out of bed around 9 AM, shower. decided to go to valley fair apple store (appt for 10:30), while messing around with the new AA dress I got, ended up being too lazy to change out of it so looked pretty damn sexy for Agnes. Intending to leave at 10 AM but of course it ended up being more like 10:09, sped over to VF and got there right on time (into the apple store at 10:32. nice.) turns out the warranty expired in 2007. bummer. so they couldn't do anything for me, slightly disappointed but expected. wandered to GAP, checked out Nordstrom a bit. walked over to Club Monaco just for old times sakes of Ryan and Andrew, asked the cute scrawny white gay boy if Andrew Lee still works here, no, sorry. walk to A|X? nah. turn back to Nords, to the car. should I go to UO in Santana Row? 11 AM now, not worth the 30 min. raining so headed over to Great America Parkway. took the wrong turn on the exit, needed to go right to get to Mission College. great. er, I mean, Great. ha.
ended up in the Santa Clara convention center, taking another wrong lane into industrial nowhere. finally wound up in Yahoo visitor parking lot, did a terrible job of parking
(I blame the big brown minivan on the other aisle, and the squished position of the car on my right), it was 11:20 by now. jetted into the lobby and sat on a bright yellow chair (didn't take the large purple one because it was right in front of the TV displaying CNN whitehouse interview). Agnes was off at 11:30 so sat around for 20 minutes, then she called and realized I was in the wrong lobby. whoops.
made her unpark my car, hehehe. austin powers much? got to Tomatina's, pretty happening place. sat in an awkward place, long table in between two other pairs. not even 5 minutes into our catch up convo the old white guy next to me spills his drink all over the Indian guy sitting across from him. Embarrassing! Aggie handed over her napkin, always so giving. jeez. I don't think i'll ever get over it. gave my life story of the past month in less than an hour. good garlic rolls ps! and the pasta was pretty good, chicken yummy, whatever her steak proelinae whatever i can't remmeber that's totally not it but whatever. i'm tired. yeah, good stuff. i talked a lot. it was great to hear about her life too. I pray for her. please don't let her get laid off. and if she does get cut then let something even better come along. and let that creeper guy not be creepy to her.
went back to yahoo for some free coffee, woot. changed my mind between hot choco and white choco mocha and back to hot choco (after reading that it's made from Ghiradelli). sat down to show pics, and before we knew it she was already late to her other job (1:54 PM, needed to make the 15 minute drive by 2) damn, I felt legit bad for making her late even though I had been joking about it earlier. wait. not even though. more like, even more so because*.
then had an hour to kill before umma would come. parked in front of TJ Maxx home, busted out the ipod and basically passed out. woke up at 2:45, nice timing. didn't even realize i had fallen asleep. maybe i didn't, hm. anyway, she called 3 times, each time being super indecisive, can you come here? i had no idea where the hell i was. especially after getting lost for 20 minutes, and i HATE driving in the el camino area. everyone does. it's so stressful. and now I have realized how much i do hate driving and fully support public trans. (hence taking BART twice the past 3 days). listening to schindler's list OST is not helping me cheer up. anyhow, i realized how shitty it is that we honestly can't have 2 minutes without bickering and that attitude. it's not just her, it's me too, but why can't we stop it? and we've talked (kind of) about this before. i think it is something that will just always be there. I really don't like it. I think it's because I don't respect her like I respect appa. which sucks. because I am probably a lot like her. ughghhhgh.
so after waiting more after she said she was there, i walked over to starbucks, and by the time i was walking through the door she called and said "oh actually can you walk over here?" yeah, already done. STILL not coming, needed to pee really bad after that hot choco and nap. went, came out and she was sitting on the couch. okay, awkward. why are we meeting? she felt bad that i was "all alone at home". i know she had good intentions, but honestly, this was such a hassle to meet her. I wasted an hour of time, would hit traffic to drive home. I wanted to visit halmuni (weh) and told cheen halmuni i'd be home by 3, and now i had a headache from the hour long wait and at starbucks, not wanting coffee because I just had some, and nothing to really talk about with her since I never feel comfortable talking about anything of substance with her. Then of course she comments on how everyone is staring at me cuz I must look cold and out of season in my dress, when really it's just the middle-aged men staring at my body. she moves us off the couch to outside so I have to put on my coat. then she moves us back inside to the table. godamnit make up your mind. wait, am i talking to her, or myself?
then of course she goes on to ask in a hushed tone, "did something happen between you and Byron?" she can not approach in a way that makes me want to tell her anything. I feel so uncomfortable when I'm with her now. this sucks. after trying to show her pics from Ecuador on facebook, the internet froze (oh yeah another argument about the wireless). it's not argument per se, not even bickering, just, the tone... the attitude... i don't know. laskjdfldajflsjf. it's like when i'm bitching on my period, and meeting an even bitchier version of me and bitching at each other. ughhhhhhh.
then she showed me pics of her wine class. what the hell, it's $8500? and she's telling me to not study abroad because it doesn't have to do with science and it's expensive? it's 5 months for only 200 dollars more than what she's spending on some 3-month useless shit. midlife crisis. i'll be really upset if she doesn't pass her test in March. what a waste of money, after she's lost her job, and just adding stress to appa. and she even admitted how "guilty" she feels for not helping halmuni around the house. what the heck. ughhh. i need to stop typing that out.
so I was trying reaaaaally hard to remain looking like I was interested. but honestly, i don't really care. so after about 45 minutes, she sent me off on my way to halmuni's. pahhhhhhhhh, it was so nice to get out of there and walk in the cold air. refreshing. more stares from people. it's scary how shallow people are.
stuck to the carpool lane. made me realize how foolish i was in high school, risking a lot. hm. got to halmuni's, not what I was expecting at all. of course she doesn't hear me when I knock, or come in, but usually when I pass the tiny entry way hall she gets up and sits me down on the couch next to her. I gave her a hug and still didn't notice much difference in personality but as soon as we started talking, i could tell she was lonely and upset and in a lot of pain. complaining of her sores in her mouth so she can't eat, can't sleep because of the hunger from not eating, throwing up the kongnamulgook she made, all bad. the overall impression I got was legit, she's gonna die soon. shit. I won't ever see her again after this. I stopped paying attention to what she was saying and was nearly crying but tried hard to focus on her words. jung cheek. what is that. i remember spelling it out so i would remember it, because these could possibly be the last words i exchanged with her.
Jeong Cheek. i thought of greg who pavan/pranav were just talking about, and cheek, kept touching my cheek. now i remmeber. don't know what it means still. or in what context at this point. but damn, death? so final. i will never see her again, thinking that really scared me.
You reach that point in the convo when you realize it's time to go. but this time i just sat there and stared at the t.v. as she would attempt to strike up more convo. and i could tell as every minute passed she was feeling better and better from human contact. I was holding her extremely cold hands and by now they were warm. she was laughing at my jokes: "why is God not listening to me anymore? he used to listen to my prayers and answer them, and now he isn't." I responded, "he knew I wanted to see you one last time so he's kept you around til i came back home!" pretty sick humor but hey, when you know you're gonna die, you can probably accept anything in the world.
at the end we were talking about how oppa and especially joe oppa need to get married soon. and jihoon, she tells him too, how ridic! he's like 16 years old. haha. so we were talking about family and I promised her i'd try to get everyone together, she'd like that. she was legit happy by this point at whatever I was saying. so I was determined to try to get a family gettogether. she was excited, and made sure i'd come see her before i left. which i'll do, because most likely I won't be home again til summer, and May is pretty far off.....
got home, chill on comp, dinner with halmuni. mah sheet geh mugutdah. I'm so glad I can make her laugh. she said i'm really the only one she has.
we had a good dinner. after, I was going to play piano like yesterday, but after 3 songs I got distracted by wanting to get the sheet music for Keane - Somewhere only we know, and ended up being on my computer, and then talking to Kyle.
I felt pretty awkward talking to him online at first, but as the convo went on it was witty and funny. It kind of reminded me of the banter from pride and prejudice between darcy and lizzy. He gave me the song The Battle Royale - Folk Song. cute, and confusing. i sent him Pete Krebs - Powder Keg, and the Microphones - I Felt Your Shape.
hmm. it was good to clarify the necklace thing. merely to remember the good times we had in Galapagos and nothing more serious insinuated. flattering yet honest, good thing.
Appa came home so after about half an hour of getting myself to stop talking to Kyle I went down and hung out w/ Appa. I can have serious convo with him so easily. We talked about halmuni's poor condition, and as umma came home we had just switched the convo to her. I told him how shocked I was at how halmuni felt neglected, umma was busy with school and stressed out from that, it could potentially ruin her health, etc. and that halmuni had been so against her doing the wine course, and then also how I found out how expensive it was. and appa was also very against it. what the hell is she doing! "midlife crisis?" something like that. dang. and just playing and trying to do everything with the hiking club. poor appa....
then the more uncomfortable awkward talk with umma. i know what it is. we both know the tension between us and try SO incredibly hard to remain civil. but there is still that strained tone of irritation that we can not hold back no matter what. I had called oori Chris and talked to him about getting together with halmuni. jageun samchoon would take care of it. umma had missed the call so she called waesookmo back. "i know why you're concerned but everyone has seen her recently from appa's birthday, and we're having another get together in march."
SHE MIGHT NOT MAKE IT TO MARCH.
after strained awkward tension for 20 min we decided the best thing to do would be me taking the kids (aka chris and justin) to try and eat or just go see her, and that way i can at least catch up with chris. and see her one last time. i mean yeah hopefully it won't be the last time but from the way things are looking, she has no will to live and when old people don't got that then (sorry lupe fiasco is making me talk slang) yeeeaaaa...
of course appa and I always try to lightheartedly make things better, so he said best thing would be for the families to go individually to her house since it'll be hard to get her out and maybe i can take the kids to see her. which is my plan of action. tomorrow, go to costco to maybe get that mini comp. with umma. hm. we'll see how that goes. i mean it's not as terrible as i'm making it out, i just can't get over how ridiculous it is that, come on, 2 minutes!
and byron drunk dialing is surprisingly disconcerting. i don't knwo what to think of it. it's probably nothing, he just accidentally called because the voicemail sounded like it was just cut off. oh right, he just got his new touch phone and probably doesn't know what he's doing with it.
i do miss him though. Kyle is still good friends with Diana. I wish I could have the same with Byron. he's a good guy. I hope he's okay. actually, I wish he could forget everything about me. memory erasure. that'd be nice. and then I could meet him again and start over.
too bad you can't get everything you want in life.
meeting up with piano sunsengneem tomorrow. nice. don't forget the scarf. and look up laptop crap right now so you dont waste more money which umma is not helping out. gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
just missed a call from Byron (10:40 PM). the voice message was a drunken "uhhh-" cut off.
just saw my dying grandmother. and shocked by the candidness of my mother, so apathetic. no need to be concerned? I'm terrified that she'll pass away tonight.
just spent another day being annoyed as hell with my mom. what is our problem? I can't have even a 2 minute conversation before we are irritated and trying really hard not to snap at each other. I can't figure it out; it's impossible for us to get along. UGHHHHHHHHHH is how I feel.
woke up again at 7:07 AM, heard umma leaving. too lazy to get out of bed, tired from getting back so late last night from Slumdog. got out of bed around 9 AM, shower. decided to go to valley fair apple store (appt for 10:30), while messing around with the new AA dress I got, ended up being too lazy to change out of it so looked pretty damn sexy for Agnes. Intending to leave at 10 AM but of course it ended up being more like 10:09, sped over to VF and got there right on time (into the apple store at 10:32. nice.) turns out the warranty expired in 2007. bummer. so they couldn't do anything for me, slightly disappointed but expected. wandered to GAP, checked out Nordstrom a bit. walked over to Club Monaco just for old times sakes of Ryan and Andrew, asked the cute scrawny white gay boy if Andrew Lee still works here, no, sorry. walk to A|X? nah. turn back to Nords, to the car. should I go to UO in Santana Row? 11 AM now, not worth the 30 min. raining so headed over to Great America Parkway. took the wrong turn on the exit, needed to go right to get to Mission College. great. er, I mean, Great. ha.
ended up in the Santa Clara convention center, taking another wrong lane into industrial nowhere. finally wound up in Yahoo visitor parking lot, did a terrible job of parking
(I blame the big brown minivan on the other aisle, and the squished position of the car on my right), it was 11:20 by now. jetted into the lobby and sat on a bright yellow chair (didn't take the large purple one because it was right in front of the TV displaying CNN whitehouse interview). Agnes was off at 11:30 so sat around for 20 minutes, then she called and realized I was in the wrong lobby. whoops.
made her unpark my car, hehehe. austin powers much? got to Tomatina's, pretty happening place. sat in an awkward place, long table in between two other pairs. not even 5 minutes into our catch up convo the old white guy next to me spills his drink all over the Indian guy sitting across from him. Embarrassing! Aggie handed over her napkin, always so giving. jeez. I don't think i'll ever get over it. gave my life story of the past month in less than an hour. good garlic rolls ps! and the pasta was pretty good, chicken yummy, whatever her steak proelinae whatever i can't remmeber that's totally not it but whatever. i'm tired. yeah, good stuff. i talked a lot. it was great to hear about her life too. I pray for her. please don't let her get laid off. and if she does get cut then let something even better come along. and let that creeper guy not be creepy to her.
went back to yahoo for some free coffee, woot. changed my mind between hot choco and white choco mocha and back to hot choco (after reading that it's made from Ghiradelli). sat down to show pics, and before we knew it she was already late to her other job (1:54 PM, needed to make the 15 minute drive by 2) damn, I felt legit bad for making her late even though I had been joking about it earlier. wait. not even though. more like, even more so because*.
then had an hour to kill before umma would come. parked in front of TJ Maxx home, busted out the ipod and basically passed out. woke up at 2:45, nice timing. didn't even realize i had fallen asleep. maybe i didn't, hm. anyway, she called 3 times, each time being super indecisive, can you come here? i had no idea where the hell i was. especially after getting lost for 20 minutes, and i HATE driving in the el camino area. everyone does. it's so stressful. and now I have realized how much i do hate driving and fully support public trans. (hence taking BART twice the past 3 days). listening to schindler's list OST is not helping me cheer up. anyhow, i realized how shitty it is that we honestly can't have 2 minutes without bickering and that attitude. it's not just her, it's me too, but why can't we stop it? and we've talked (kind of) about this before. i think it is something that will just always be there. I really don't like it. I think it's because I don't respect her like I respect appa. which sucks. because I am probably a lot like her. ughghhhgh.
so after waiting more after she said she was there, i walked over to starbucks, and by the time i was walking through the door she called and said "oh actually can you walk over here?" yeah, already done. STILL not coming, needed to pee really bad after that hot choco and nap. went, came out and she was sitting on the couch. okay, awkward. why are we meeting? she felt bad that i was "all alone at home". i know she had good intentions, but honestly, this was such a hassle to meet her. I wasted an hour of time, would hit traffic to drive home. I wanted to visit halmuni (weh) and told cheen halmuni i'd be home by 3, and now i had a headache from the hour long wait and at starbucks, not wanting coffee because I just had some, and nothing to really talk about with her since I never feel comfortable talking about anything of substance with her. Then of course she comments on how everyone is staring at me cuz I must look cold and out of season in my dress, when really it's just the middle-aged men staring at my body. she moves us off the couch to outside so I have to put on my coat. then she moves us back inside to the table. godamnit make up your mind. wait, am i talking to her, or myself?
then of course she goes on to ask in a hushed tone, "did something happen between you and Byron?" she can not approach in a way that makes me want to tell her anything. I feel so uncomfortable when I'm with her now. this sucks. after trying to show her pics from Ecuador on facebook, the internet froze (oh yeah another argument about the wireless). it's not argument per se, not even bickering, just, the tone... the attitude... i don't know. laskjdfldajflsjf. it's like when i'm bitching on my period, and meeting an even bitchier version of me and bitching at each other. ughhhhhhh.
then she showed me pics of her wine class. what the hell, it's $8500? and she's telling me to not study abroad because it doesn't have to do with science and it's expensive? it's 5 months for only 200 dollars more than what she's spending on some 3-month useless shit. midlife crisis. i'll be really upset if she doesn't pass her test in March. what a waste of money, after she's lost her job, and just adding stress to appa. and she even admitted how "guilty" she feels for not helping halmuni around the house. what the heck. ughhh. i need to stop typing that out.
so I was trying reaaaaally hard to remain looking like I was interested. but honestly, i don't really care. so after about 45 minutes, she sent me off on my way to halmuni's. pahhhhhhhhh, it was so nice to get out of there and walk in the cold air. refreshing. more stares from people. it's scary how shallow people are.
stuck to the carpool lane. made me realize how foolish i was in high school, risking a lot. hm. got to halmuni's, not what I was expecting at all. of course she doesn't hear me when I knock, or come in, but usually when I pass the tiny entry way hall she gets up and sits me down on the couch next to her. I gave her a hug and still didn't notice much difference in personality but as soon as we started talking, i could tell she was lonely and upset and in a lot of pain. complaining of her sores in her mouth so she can't eat, can't sleep because of the hunger from not eating, throwing up the kongnamulgook she made, all bad. the overall impression I got was legit, she's gonna die soon. shit. I won't ever see her again after this. I stopped paying attention to what she was saying and was nearly crying but tried hard to focus on her words. jung cheek. what is that. i remember spelling it out so i would remember it, because these could possibly be the last words i exchanged with her.
Jeong Cheek. i thought of greg who pavan/pranav were just talking about, and cheek, kept touching my cheek. now i remmeber. don't know what it means still. or in what context at this point. but damn, death? so final. i will never see her again, thinking that really scared me.
You reach that point in the convo when you realize it's time to go. but this time i just sat there and stared at the t.v. as she would attempt to strike up more convo. and i could tell as every minute passed she was feeling better and better from human contact. I was holding her extremely cold hands and by now they were warm. she was laughing at my jokes: "why is God not listening to me anymore? he used to listen to my prayers and answer them, and now he isn't." I responded, "he knew I wanted to see you one last time so he's kept you around til i came back home!" pretty sick humor but hey, when you know you're gonna die, you can probably accept anything in the world.
at the end we were talking about how oppa and especially joe oppa need to get married soon. and jihoon, she tells him too, how ridic! he's like 16 years old. haha. so we were talking about family and I promised her i'd try to get everyone together, she'd like that. she was legit happy by this point at whatever I was saying. so I was determined to try to get a family gettogether. she was excited, and made sure i'd come see her before i left. which i'll do, because most likely I won't be home again til summer, and May is pretty far off.....
got home, chill on comp, dinner with halmuni. mah sheet geh mugutdah. I'm so glad I can make her laugh. she said i'm really the only one she has.
we had a good dinner. after, I was going to play piano like yesterday, but after 3 songs I got distracted by wanting to get the sheet music for Keane - Somewhere only we know, and ended up being on my computer, and then talking to Kyle.
I felt pretty awkward talking to him online at first, but as the convo went on it was witty and funny. It kind of reminded me of the banter from pride and prejudice between darcy and lizzy. He gave me the song The Battle Royale - Folk Song. cute, and confusing. i sent him Pete Krebs - Powder Keg, and the Microphones - I Felt Your Shape.
hmm. it was good to clarify the necklace thing. merely to remember the good times we had in Galapagos and nothing more serious insinuated. flattering yet honest, good thing.
Appa came home so after about half an hour of getting myself to stop talking to Kyle I went down and hung out w/ Appa. I can have serious convo with him so easily. We talked about halmuni's poor condition, and as umma came home we had just switched the convo to her. I told him how shocked I was at how halmuni felt neglected, umma was busy with school and stressed out from that, it could potentially ruin her health, etc. and that halmuni had been so against her doing the wine course, and then also how I found out how expensive it was. and appa was also very against it. what the hell is she doing! "midlife crisis?" something like that. dang. and just playing and trying to do everything with the hiking club. poor appa....
then the more uncomfortable awkward talk with umma. i know what it is. we both know the tension between us and try SO incredibly hard to remain civil. but there is still that strained tone of irritation that we can not hold back no matter what. I had called oori Chris and talked to him about getting together with halmuni. jageun samchoon would take care of it. umma had missed the call so she called waesookmo back. "i know why you're concerned but everyone has seen her recently from appa's birthday, and we're having another get together in march."
SHE MIGHT NOT MAKE IT TO MARCH.
after strained awkward tension for 20 min we decided the best thing to do would be me taking the kids (aka chris and justin) to try and eat or just go see her, and that way i can at least catch up with chris. and see her one last time. i mean yeah hopefully it won't be the last time but from the way things are looking, she has no will to live and when old people don't got that then (sorry lupe fiasco is making me talk slang) yeeeaaaa...
of course appa and I always try to lightheartedly make things better, so he said best thing would be for the families to go individually to her house since it'll be hard to get her out and maybe i can take the kids to see her. which is my plan of action. tomorrow, go to costco to maybe get that mini comp. with umma. hm. we'll see how that goes. i mean it's not as terrible as i'm making it out, i just can't get over how ridiculous it is that, come on, 2 minutes!
and byron drunk dialing is surprisingly disconcerting. i don't knwo what to think of it. it's probably nothing, he just accidentally called because the voicemail sounded like it was just cut off. oh right, he just got his new touch phone and probably doesn't know what he's doing with it.
i do miss him though. Kyle is still good friends with Diana. I wish I could have the same with Byron. he's a good guy. I hope he's okay. actually, I wish he could forget everything about me. memory erasure. that'd be nice. and then I could meet him again and start over.
too bad you can't get everything you want in life.
meeting up with piano sunsengneem tomorrow. nice. don't forget the scarf. and look up laptop crap right now so you dont waste more money which umma is not helping out. gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
nice day? long day.
woke up at 7 AM, wanted to wish umma good luck on her exam so ran downstairs to find her car still in the garage. turned out they were both sleeping in, and umma had to get up so i crawled into her spot and "deeng eul deeng eul" haha. got back into my bed and facebooked til 9 ish. uploaded some pics, and then Byron saw that erik had gone on the trip too. which was too bad, i don't think erik appreciated it either as he untagged. and byron just totally got the wrong idea. and now it's all over. what a bad way to end it. but it finally happened.
i don't really know how to feel.
I took a shower and got ready to head out to SF around 11ish, but that's when i ended up talking to Kyle briefly and was in a daze from going my separate way from Byron.
left at 12 to the fremont BART station, took forever to find parking, frustrating. Daly City is freakin far... arrived there at 1 PM, Christine took 15 min to get there. we went to find somewhere to eat, Pacific catch? Pluto's? Park Chow. pricey, don't know if it was worth the money. it was tasty but really small portions! i had this tiny lasagna crepe for 10 bucks, and a rasberry lemonade for 4.90. hmm. Chris told me about this guy JD that she's had a thing with since November, interesting. too bad they didn't work out. all we had time for was eating, then i had to head back (it was 2 pm by now). she dropped me off at powell, and i was so bummed that i was in one of my fave areas and not able to walk around (i dashed through nordstrom looking for a women's lounge) and then my BART got delayed, kicked off at San Leandro. didn't get back home til 4:30.
showed umma pics of Ecuador, she was distracted with studying though. didn't have as much fun telling her stories as with appa, cuz it didn't really seem like she was that interested. decided to watch the movie at 10 PM, so she went to class and I had dinner w/ halmuni.
Then piano. glorious, absolutely glorious. what an escape. my hands are out of shape, but it was still amazing to find i could play most of my repertoire. I am considering switching out of mcwilliams to paddleford or anan owens AO whatever her name is. female > male. then i dont feel like such a girly girl if i need to be emotional and whatnot.
then got distracted wanting to listen to music, came upstairs and started doing the pooh puzzle. finished all the blue part, then umma came home shortly after. 7 ish by now. more music, then decided i'd nap from 8 to 9, ended up fbing and napped from 830 when appa came home til 930. left for great mall at 945,
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE! ice cream too. man i can't get over that movie. m.i.a. paper planes. dev patel <3 freida too.
i can't sleep. i'm not sad, maybe i am hurting, but i don't know. hmmmmm. i just love my girls. talked on the phone with pauina for about 10 min today on the way home hayward ish to union city. i miss christine too, we talked this morning about evan and the temptress picture and byron. and then byron and i broke up, weird.
it's over it's over it's over!
le petit prince. the rose. the proud rose who didn't want him to see her crying.
except i'm not crying. i think i'm hiding my emotions from myself. i don't really feel anything. i just hope i don't fuck up this semester as bad as i did last. i'm sure it'll be better. i know it will be.
God is great, is that what Samil's last words are? God is good? not sure. but hm.
i don't really know how to feel.
I took a shower and got ready to head out to SF around 11ish, but that's when i ended up talking to Kyle briefly and was in a daze from going my separate way from Byron.
left at 12 to the fremont BART station, took forever to find parking, frustrating. Daly City is freakin far... arrived there at 1 PM, Christine took 15 min to get there. we went to find somewhere to eat, Pacific catch? Pluto's? Park Chow. pricey, don't know if it was worth the money. it was tasty but really small portions! i had this tiny lasagna crepe for 10 bucks, and a rasberry lemonade for 4.90. hmm. Chris told me about this guy JD that she's had a thing with since November, interesting. too bad they didn't work out. all we had time for was eating, then i had to head back (it was 2 pm by now). she dropped me off at powell, and i was so bummed that i was in one of my fave areas and not able to walk around (i dashed through nordstrom looking for a women's lounge) and then my BART got delayed, kicked off at San Leandro. didn't get back home til 4:30.
showed umma pics of Ecuador, she was distracted with studying though. didn't have as much fun telling her stories as with appa, cuz it didn't really seem like she was that interested. decided to watch the movie at 10 PM, so she went to class and I had dinner w/ halmuni.
Then piano. glorious, absolutely glorious. what an escape. my hands are out of shape, but it was still amazing to find i could play most of my repertoire. I am considering switching out of mcwilliams to paddleford or anan owens AO whatever her name is. female > male. then i dont feel like such a girly girl if i need to be emotional and whatnot.
then got distracted wanting to listen to music, came upstairs and started doing the pooh puzzle. finished all the blue part, then umma came home shortly after. 7 ish by now. more music, then decided i'd nap from 8 to 9, ended up fbing and napped from 830 when appa came home til 930. left for great mall at 945,
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE! ice cream too. man i can't get over that movie. m.i.a. paper planes. dev patel <3 freida too.
i can't sleep. i'm not sad, maybe i am hurting, but i don't know. hmmmmm. i just love my girls. talked on the phone with pauina for about 10 min today on the way home hayward ish to union city. i miss christine too, we talked this morning about evan and the temptress picture and byron. and then byron and i broke up, weird.
it's over it's over it's over!
le petit prince. the rose. the proud rose who didn't want him to see her crying.
except i'm not crying. i think i'm hiding my emotions from myself. i don't really feel anything. i just hope i don't fuck up this semester as bad as i did last. i'm sure it'll be better. i know it will be.
God is great, is that what Samil's last words are? God is good? not sure. but hm.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Cal
Woke up today at 8:02 AM, thinking it was 10. Turns out I had passed out around 10:45 right after finishing writing last night's blog, turned on the Goofy song and woke up to find my laptop was still on and the music was still going.
Talked to appa about how I might go to berkeley and SF, and tried going back to sleep but couldn't so decided to get out of bed around 930 or 10. ate some breakfast, wow i was actually pretty hungry and breakfast was so clean and simple and good, gomtang with bab and kkakdoogi and shigeumchi/sookjinamul/dubu. and the roses :) showered, plucked, got ready to head out to berk to see pranav and pavan. planned on leaving at 12 but ended up leaving around 1230.
first time driving in a month! which isn't long at all compared to when i didn't come home for 6 months, but wow, this was bizarre. the weather was legit summer. 69 degrees, balmy and blue skies. listening to good music in the car while driving the speed limit (so, slowly). when I got to the station it took a while to find parking, and then i ran up the escalator and as i turned to the right to read the RICHMOND sign I saw Carlos Soria! random!!! so spent most of the ride catching up with him, we haven't talked since high school at all and so he didn't know i was in MN and i didn't know he was at cal (he switched from UCLA to berk after appealing). he ended up walking me from the Downtown Berkeley station to the front of campus where we met Pranav. Carlos went to class at 2, and then pranav and I wandered through campus to Telegraph.
I was burning up in my black boots and black sweater with scarf, so I stopped by American Apparel and grabbed one of the first dresses i saw and threw it on (turned out to be pretty cute, black and white two tone mini dress) $36 to be able to not sweat profusely, not bad. then after stopping by wet seal to try and find flip flops we gave up and headed over to top dog, right across the street from pavan's apartment. lemon chicken hot dog, only $3 nice. we went inside pavan's place where david taube also lives, just chillin eatin the hot dogs, listening to coldplay, talking about haas and econ and cal.
pranav had to go to class at 3:30 (david too) so pavan and I went to get yogurt at Yogurt Land, except we both ended up getting shakes (my oreo royale was super watery and sweet, eck) and i had a tour of Cal. turns out i knew my way around pretty much just as well as pavan, since he's only been here for 3 weeks and i've taken classes here for ATDP. we wandered past the Cadaline whatever clock tower and most of the academic buildings, we checked out the University library (pretty! reminded me of rolvaag) and also the East Asian one. 4:40 by now.
eventually bumped into Gagan, and David again. then Melissa Chen! weird. we went back to pavan's place and began Vicky Cristina Barcelona, but after 10 minutes it kept freezing. listened to more coldplay, warning sign. 42. cuddling, it was actually kind of awkward, but we'r ereally close so i wasn't uncomfortable. but still a little weird, i've never been attracted to him physically at all or in any way other than a friend. just laying there on the bed talking, when David came in and it was super awkward even though it wasn't like anything was happening ugh. at 7 we headed out to Gypsy's to get pesto pasta and calzones, yum! super good. then I went back to change and he walked me through Cal campus to the BART station at 7:51. got on the train about 815, and back home by 930. good to see both rents.
so tired.
I don't know what to do about Byron. he's so condescending and just makes me feel terrible. i don't enjoy talking to him at all. I really don't even want to deal with him, maybe I should just tell him to get over me like he was thinking he should do. he is so condescending...
I think Kyle will come to the conclusion by himself that I'm not interested and don't want to pursue anything, and that he'll probably stay with Diana cuz she sounds like she's on top of everything, VP of the school and pres of their class? impressive. kyle and I don't have anything in common except our experiences in the Galapagos and some of our taste in music. Other than that we're so different, much diff culture. i didn't feel comfortable eating at the tav with him at all, even though he's really sweet and all i can't even see myself being comfortable hanging out with him at St Olaf, it only worked when we were in a completely foreign environment.
I'm so over boys... I love being unattached and just enjoying meeting people. I miss Kaitlin and Mads. and I hope Christine is doing okay.
Meeting Chris SF wong tomorrow for lunch and giving back the backpack. then Thurs is lunch with Aggiebear, and fri is lunch w/ piano sunsengneem. sometime in between all this i have to visit halmuni, go to valley fair to fix my ipod, and do all my stuff for school and practice piano and spend time with rents. woooohoooo. so tired, it's 1130 time for bed!
Talked to appa about how I might go to berkeley and SF, and tried going back to sleep but couldn't so decided to get out of bed around 930 or 10. ate some breakfast, wow i was actually pretty hungry and breakfast was so clean and simple and good, gomtang with bab and kkakdoogi and shigeumchi/sookjinamul/dubu. and the roses :) showered, plucked, got ready to head out to berk to see pranav and pavan. planned on leaving at 12 but ended up leaving around 1230.
first time driving in a month! which isn't long at all compared to when i didn't come home for 6 months, but wow, this was bizarre. the weather was legit summer. 69 degrees, balmy and blue skies. listening to good music in the car while driving the speed limit (so, slowly). when I got to the station it took a while to find parking, and then i ran up the escalator and as i turned to the right to read the RICHMOND sign I saw Carlos Soria! random!!! so spent most of the ride catching up with him, we haven't talked since high school at all and so he didn't know i was in MN and i didn't know he was at cal (he switched from UCLA to berk after appealing). he ended up walking me from the Downtown Berkeley station to the front of campus where we met Pranav. Carlos went to class at 2, and then pranav and I wandered through campus to Telegraph.
I was burning up in my black boots and black sweater with scarf, so I stopped by American Apparel and grabbed one of the first dresses i saw and threw it on (turned out to be pretty cute, black and white two tone mini dress) $36 to be able to not sweat profusely, not bad. then after stopping by wet seal to try and find flip flops we gave up and headed over to top dog, right across the street from pavan's apartment. lemon chicken hot dog, only $3 nice. we went inside pavan's place where david taube also lives, just chillin eatin the hot dogs, listening to coldplay, talking about haas and econ and cal.
pranav had to go to class at 3:30 (david too) so pavan and I went to get yogurt at Yogurt Land, except we both ended up getting shakes (my oreo royale was super watery and sweet, eck) and i had a tour of Cal. turns out i knew my way around pretty much just as well as pavan, since he's only been here for 3 weeks and i've taken classes here for ATDP. we wandered past the Cadaline whatever clock tower and most of the academic buildings, we checked out the University library (pretty! reminded me of rolvaag) and also the East Asian one. 4:40 by now.
eventually bumped into Gagan, and David again. then Melissa Chen! weird. we went back to pavan's place and began Vicky Cristina Barcelona, but after 10 minutes it kept freezing. listened to more coldplay, warning sign. 42. cuddling, it was actually kind of awkward, but we'r ereally close so i wasn't uncomfortable. but still a little weird, i've never been attracted to him physically at all or in any way other than a friend. just laying there on the bed talking, when David came in and it was super awkward even though it wasn't like anything was happening ugh. at 7 we headed out to Gypsy's to get pesto pasta and calzones, yum! super good. then I went back to change and he walked me through Cal campus to the BART station at 7:51. got on the train about 815, and back home by 930. good to see both rents.
so tired.
I don't know what to do about Byron. he's so condescending and just makes me feel terrible. i don't enjoy talking to him at all. I really don't even want to deal with him, maybe I should just tell him to get over me like he was thinking he should do. he is so condescending...
I think Kyle will come to the conclusion by himself that I'm not interested and don't want to pursue anything, and that he'll probably stay with Diana cuz she sounds like she's on top of everything, VP of the school and pres of their class? impressive. kyle and I don't have anything in common except our experiences in the Galapagos and some of our taste in music. Other than that we're so different, much diff culture. i didn't feel comfortable eating at the tav with him at all, even though he's really sweet and all i can't even see myself being comfortable hanging out with him at St Olaf, it only worked when we were in a completely foreign environment.
I'm so over boys... I love being unattached and just enjoying meeting people. I miss Kaitlin and Mads. and I hope Christine is doing okay.
Meeting Chris SF wong tomorrow for lunch and giving back the backpack. then Thurs is lunch with Aggiebear, and fri is lunch w/ piano sunsengneem. sometime in between all this i have to visit halmuni, go to valley fair to fix my ipod, and do all my stuff for school and practice piano and spend time with rents. woooohoooo. so tired, it's 1130 time for bed!
Monday, February 2, 2009
surreal
I was still in Quito yesterday morning... bizarre.
I've gotten so used to having to journal that I can't stop.
It was so good to be back in a familiar environment. I flew into SFO at 1:45PM, and appa took me to eat at jang su jang on el camino real next to paris baguette/galleria. soondubu and LA galbi, nice... I was about to throw up from eating too much. He got me bbang and a bunch of snacks at the other 2 places. Then we went home... I think i've forgotten how beautiful our house is. When we walked in the sun was shining in through the windows on the pink roses on our table, contrasting with the green table cloth I haven't seen in a long time. INTERNET! it's too bad I don't have wireless connection in thorson.
Appa and I went for a walk up Mission Peak, just as the sun was setting. We walked up the right path that I've only gone down once, listening to music and taking pics on the way. I didn't even realize i had put the strokes 12:51 on his ipod. weird it is 12:51 AM in MN right now.
anyhow we left mission peak at 6 and headed to great mall to look at running shoes, since mine flew off the yacht in the galapagos. it was nice being able to talk with appa. i feel so comfortable around him. i was pretty exhausted after half an hour at great mall so i must have been noticably quieter on the ride home, and eating dinner was difficult because i was still full from eating all that food at 3 PM.
I got back to st olaf at 9 PM last night. threw 3 loads of laundry, took a shower. texted byron. had a bad phone call, he's decided that we both can do whatever we want, and if i'm still interested he'll see if i've changed and can trust me. hmm.....
i went over to rand at 11 to get basil's with revy but he was busy making his futon and i was an hour late, so i ate his homemade indian spaghetti and meatballs. sweet. er, spicy, but yeah. got back to my room a bit past midnight, and though i wanted to go bang on the piano again i decided to fold my laundry and get some sleep. i went to bed a bit before 2 AM and passed out, but Christine called me at 3 AM and in my sleepy stupor i could tell something was wrong: Evan did cheat on her. damn.
woke up at 7:11 and for some reason decided to shower again because my hair was messed up. stupid stupid stupid. as i was walking out of the bathroom (in my towel), Kyle was right behind me in the hallway trying to find my room. ahhhh, talk about bad timing.
I still had to pack so he looked through my music while I wasted a bunch of time. Then, a surprise. a legit surprise, haven't had one of those in a while so it was really... unexpected, like a surprise should be. it even had a good story to it. When we were about to leave Floreana on the dinghys and Kyle/Jon were nowhere to be seen I was actually getting worried about them. turns out he found the perfect seashell with holes in it to put through a necklace, and he tucked it into the bottom of his pant folds until he got back. "sorry are you weirded out by this?" my face must have shown how surprised i actually was. I was really taken aback because 1) i think he must really like me, or at least feel strongly for me (unless he's just a super sensitive sweet guy) and 2) it really was perfect, i've been looking for a plain necklace that will go with anything that i can wear all the time and this was it (remember the "white" concept that you and Jenny discovered while shopping in Mercado Artisan?)
But would it make it even weirder if I am wearing it all the time?
we went for breakfast at the Tavern, tav, whatev, it was really good. 14$ for 2 people is a gooood deal for lots of yummy food. oh and how weird was it to not be eating ecuadorian breakfast fare of watery scrambled eggs?
I don't know why i'm still "journalling" but I can't stop.
I've gotten so used to having to journal that I can't stop.
It was so good to be back in a familiar environment. I flew into SFO at 1:45PM, and appa took me to eat at jang su jang on el camino real next to paris baguette/galleria. soondubu and LA galbi, nice... I was about to throw up from eating too much. He got me bbang and a bunch of snacks at the other 2 places. Then we went home... I think i've forgotten how beautiful our house is. When we walked in the sun was shining in through the windows on the pink roses on our table, contrasting with the green table cloth I haven't seen in a long time. INTERNET! it's too bad I don't have wireless connection in thorson.
Appa and I went for a walk up Mission Peak, just as the sun was setting. We walked up the right path that I've only gone down once, listening to music and taking pics on the way. I didn't even realize i had put the strokes 12:51 on his ipod. weird it is 12:51 AM in MN right now.
anyhow we left mission peak at 6 and headed to great mall to look at running shoes, since mine flew off the yacht in the galapagos. it was nice being able to talk with appa. i feel so comfortable around him. i was pretty exhausted after half an hour at great mall so i must have been noticably quieter on the ride home, and eating dinner was difficult because i was still full from eating all that food at 3 PM.
I got back to st olaf at 9 PM last night. threw 3 loads of laundry, took a shower. texted byron. had a bad phone call, he's decided that we both can do whatever we want, and if i'm still interested he'll see if i've changed and can trust me. hmm.....
i went over to rand at 11 to get basil's with revy but he was busy making his futon and i was an hour late, so i ate his homemade indian spaghetti and meatballs. sweet. er, spicy, but yeah. got back to my room a bit past midnight, and though i wanted to go bang on the piano again i decided to fold my laundry and get some sleep. i went to bed a bit before 2 AM and passed out, but Christine called me at 3 AM and in my sleepy stupor i could tell something was wrong: Evan did cheat on her. damn.
woke up at 7:11 and for some reason decided to shower again because my hair was messed up. stupid stupid stupid. as i was walking out of the bathroom (in my towel), Kyle was right behind me in the hallway trying to find my room. ahhhh, talk about bad timing.
I still had to pack so he looked through my music while I wasted a bunch of time. Then, a surprise. a legit surprise, haven't had one of those in a while so it was really... unexpected, like a surprise should be. it even had a good story to it. When we were about to leave Floreana on the dinghys and Kyle/Jon were nowhere to be seen I was actually getting worried about them. turns out he found the perfect seashell with holes in it to put through a necklace, and he tucked it into the bottom of his pant folds until he got back. "sorry are you weirded out by this?" my face must have shown how surprised i actually was. I was really taken aback because 1) i think he must really like me, or at least feel strongly for me (unless he's just a super sensitive sweet guy) and 2) it really was perfect, i've been looking for a plain necklace that will go with anything that i can wear all the time and this was it (remember the "white" concept that you and Jenny discovered while shopping in Mercado Artisan?)
But would it make it even weirder if I am wearing it all the time?
we went for breakfast at the Tavern, tav, whatev, it was really good. 14$ for 2 people is a gooood deal for lots of yummy food. oh and how weird was it to not be eating ecuadorian breakfast fare of watery scrambled eggs?
I don't know why i'm still "journalling" but I can't stop.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)